unable to grow up

Chapter 10 End

Cang Han entered the last symbol, pressed Ctrl+S, saved all the design drawings and documents, shook off the mouse, rubbed his dry eyes, stretched again, looked out the window, the sky was already dark, and the distance The dots of lights reflected the shadows of the trees, and the floor where their studio was located was high, so even if they listened with their ears upright, they couldn't hear any movement at this time.

Cang Han looked away from the window and looked at the clock on the computer screen. It was five minutes to two o'clock in the morning. How is it at home alone?As Cang Han thought about it, he subconsciously stood up, put on his down jacket and tied his scarf, and was ready to go out.

But as soon as she got up and walked towards the door, she saw Cheng Ling sitting there motionless at the opposite desk, with a pen between the index finger and middle finger of her right hand, her eyes fixed on Cang Han, her The pupils were extraordinarily bright in the dark, as if they would glow, staring at Cang Han closely, like a wolf staring at its prey in the snow after being starved for many days.

Cang Han's footsteps stopped suddenly, she was stunned by Cheng Ling's gaze, she couldn't help but took a step back, bumped her leg against the table and managed to stabilize herself, swallowed her saliva, and said tentatively: "Scholar ...Senior sister, look... this case is also finished, if there is nothing else, I will... just leave first?".

After finishing speaking, Cang Han stood leaning against the table and waited for Cheng Ling's response, but Cheng Ling kept looking straight at Cang Han without blinking his eyelids, Cang Han waited for a few minutes to no avail, Zhuang Boldly asked again, Cheng Ling still didn't respond, Cang Han encouraged himself in his heart, walked to Cheng Ling's side, and shook his five fingers in front of her eyes, "Senior sister? Senior sister?"

"Huh?" Cheng Ling blinked his eyes, and finally moved. He raised his eyes to look at Cang Han, a little dazed, "It's over?"

Her expression was still dazed, and her long hair, which was always soft and flowing, was also slightly curled up on the top of her head, as if she had just woken up. Cang Han had hardly seen such a dull and cute Cheng Ling, and the corners of her mouth could not bear it. He couldn't help bending over, tilting his head helplessly, "Yes." There was a familiar gentleness in his tone, as natural as if it flowed from the blood, even Cang Han didn't notice it, as if he was with his boss. It is natural to communicate in such a tone.

Cheng Ling raised his hands and rubbed his face, finally came to his senses, nodded and stood up, "Let's go, it's getting late, I'll take you back." She woke up, but her body didn't keep up, and she staggered when she got up Fortunately, Cang Han reached out to catch it in time, otherwise he would have fallen onto the desk.

Cang Han supported Cheng Ling and laughed again, but he didn't dare to be presumptuous, and smiled lowly in Cheng Ling's ear, "Senior sister, this is the first time I know that there are people who doze off with their eyes open."

She originally wanted to tease Cheng Ling, but the laughter lightly tapped on Cheng Ling's eardrums and touched Cheng Ling's heart a few times. Cheng Ling's heart felt hot, and half of his body almost fell onto Cang Han's body. , gritted his teeth, and dug his fingers into the flesh.Cheng Ling couldn't control it anymore.

Want to hug her, want to kiss her, want to rub her into his own flesh and blood.

But Cheng Ling didn't do anything, she just clenched her fists and leaned against Cang Han, feeling distressed and hated.

He hated how Cang Han could be so selfish, and hid by himself, so that she could see it but couldn't find it, obviously it was the pain of two people, but it was thrown to her alone, which made her wake up from the nightmare all night and all night.

In the dream, Cang Han hugged their daughter and lay in a pool of blood. The child who was supposed to be as beautiful as a little princess, her little skirt was soaked in blood, and there was still blood dripping from her head, curled up in the cold canyon. Han Huai asked coldly why Cheng Ling didn't save her, why didn't he save his mother.

Cheng Ling is hovering on the verge of collapse, but she can't collapse, she has to support Cang Han, guard Cang Han, she has to wait for Cang Han to get better little by little, and rebuild their broken home.But Cheng Ling felt that he couldn't hold on anymore.

A broken mirror cannot be glued back, let alone a home.

"Senior sister, what's wrong with you? How about I take you to the hospital first?" Cang Han asked hesitantly when he saw that Cheng Ling had been leaning against him for a long time without any movement.

"No need." Cheng Ling got up from Cang Han, pinched the bridge of his nose wearily, "I'm a bit hypoglycemic, it's an old problem, let's go, take you back, didn't you say there is a child waiting for you to go back. "

Cang Han was indeed more worried about the baby's condition, seeing that Cheng Ling had come to his senses, he should be fine, took out a piece of chocolate and handed it to Cheng Ling, "Then senior sister, you should eat some of this first, it should be quite effective. "

Cheng Ling's heart moved again, "Don't you not like chocolate?"

"You know this too? Sister, you are amazing." Cang Han waved his hands and smiled, "I don't like to eat this stuff, it's bitter and sweet, it can't help my baby likes it, so you have to put it in my pocket Together, thankfully it is in the pocket of the coat, otherwise it must be covered." She smiled happily when she spoke, showing off a little proudly in her words, as if she was afraid that others would not know that there was an obedient and sensible baby in her family, It overlaps perfectly with Cheng Ling's memory of her appearance five years ago.

Cheng Ling looked at her and smiled, but his heart was full of sorrow.She had contacted Cang Han's doctor many times in private, and every time the doctor suggested that Cang Han should be hospitalized for medical treatment, but Cheng Ling was conflicted in her heart. She always felt that Cang Han was a normal person, how could she want her lover to be treated with those mental patients? Locked in the same place, received the same treatment.

Obviously Cang Han is like a normal person, yes, like a normal person.

Cang Han doesn't like chocolate, Cheng Ling and Bao Bao love chocolate.

"Senior sister, let's go quickly, the baby is at home alone, I'm worried about her being in danger." Cang Han urged Ling seeing that Ling was in a daze again.

Cheng Ling took a deep look at her, then nodded slowly, "Okay."

Cang Han has been getting deeper and deeper lately, and Cheng Ling has to rethink the doctor's advice.Instead of procrastinating day by day, deceiving oneself and others and allowing Cang Han's condition to get worse, it's better to grit his teeth and cut through the mess quickly. Anyway, now that Cang Han is already like this, how bad can it be?

Cang Han got Cheng Ling's consent, her face was even more joyful, she couldn't wait to get out of the company door, and walked towards the elevator, she was only thinking about the baby at home, she didn't have time to observe what the strange expression on Cheng Ling's face meant.

Cang Han's home is very close to the company, and the two people in the car didn't say a word until the car stopped downstairs in Cang Han's building, Cang Han unfastened his seat belt, thanked Cheng Ling and got out of the car, Cheng Ling followed suit, "Cang Han, I've worked overtime with you until now, it's freezing cold, you should invite me up for a cup of tea, right?"

The snow on the ground was very deep, and there was a rustling sound when stepping on it, and Cheng Ling's high-heeled shoes sank into the snow, making it difficult to walk, Cang Han hesitated for a moment, agreed to Cheng Ling's request, and invited: "Senior sister, it's the middle of the night. It's not safe for you to go home alone, so just make do with me for one night."

Cheng Ling was walking in the snow with difficulty, and he still didn't forget to tease him: "Okay, Cang Han, I finally know how to care about me, not bad, not bad, I've made progress."

"That's that, it's the employee's responsibility to care about the safety of the leader." Cang Han also replied jokingly, and the two went upstairs talking and laughing.

When they got home and opened the door, Cang Han didn't wait for Cheng Ling, he changed his shoes first and entered the door, without turning on the light, he started looking for the baby all over the room, "Baby, I'm back."

Cheng Ling followed in, stood at the entrance and sighed, Cang Han's condition was indeed serious.

When Cheng Ling came last time, there were not so many children's things in the house. Now, children's things have taken over the whole house, TV cabinets, coffee tables, sofas, carpets... children's toys and fairy tale books are everywhere, coffee tables There are two mugs, one large and one small, of the same style, and the small one has a minion straw inside.

Cang Han's hallucinations turned out to be sporadic, but Cheng Ling didn't know how it took less than a month to become so serious.

"Baby, where are you, baby? Don't hide from mother, baby. Mom came back late from overtime today. Can you apologize to baby? Baby is obedient, come out quickly."

Cheng Ling looked at Cang Han looking for that "baby" that didn't exist at all, his expression became more and more anxious, and Cheng Ling's heart became uneasy. She was very afraid of seeing Cang Han's illness, and she didn't know how to face it. To a crazy Cang Han.Sometimes Cheng Ling thought, why not let herself go crazy with Cang Han, but sometimes she thought, she is Cang Han's only support, she must not fall down, she must guard Cang Han to get better, guard this family.

"Senior sister, senior sister!" Cang Han quickly turned the small house upside down, ran towards Cheng Ling in a panic, gasping for breath, crying out of anxiety, "Senior sister! The baby is gone! The baby is gone! Come on, let's go find it! Please!"

She hurriedly grabbed Cheng Ling's arm and was about to go out, but Cheng Ling pulled her back and hugged her in his arms, "Cang Han, calm down."

"How can I stay calm when the baby is gone? How can I stay calm!" Seeing that Cheng Ling refused to help him, Cang Han struggled hard, trying to break free from her embrace, but Cheng Ling just hugged her tightly and refused to give her a hug. A little chance to break free.

"Cheng Ling, let go! I'm going to find the baby! If something happens to her, I'll never end with you!" Seeing that he couldn't break free, Cang Han simply bit Cheng Ling's shoulder.

In the winter, Cheng Ling wore a woolen sweater and a woolen coat even if he wasn't too afraid of the cold. Cang Han didn't hurt much when he bit it, but she was still struggling desperately. Almost unable to control her, he let her bite and comforted her softly in her ear: "Cang Han, listen to me, calm down first, tell me the characteristics of the baby, and I will take you to the police station to call the police, okay? I After sending out all the friends, the police must find someone much faster than the two of us looking around like headless chickens, don't you think?"

After she finished speaking, Cang Han gradually calmed down, and the teeth biting Cheng Ling's shoulders loosened, and he stopped struggling, "Yes, the police station... the police... Cheng Ling... Ah Ling, hurry up, let's go to the police station, we Go to the police...you must get the baby back...you must get the baby back..."

She muttered nervously, Cheng Ling was afraid of irritating her again, so he slowly helped her to sit down on the sofa, poured her a glass of water, and put a tranquilizer in it while she was not paying attention, "Cang Han, Drink some water first, I'll call my friend at the police station to ask."

Cang Han was wooden from head to toe, couldn't hear what Cheng Ling was saying at all, woodenly picked up the cup Cheng Ling handed over, and mechanically repeated the action of drinking water until the cup was empty and still took a sip Cheng Ling pretended to go to the balcony to make a phone call, and kept paying attention to Cang Han's movements from the corner of her eye, until Cang Han's body limp and slumped on the sofa, she was relieved, and put the phone back into her pocket.

Cheng Ling carried Cang Han back to the bedroom, took off her coat, covered her with a quilt, and sat beside her bed with eyes drooping for a while, as if he had finally made up his mind, he took out his phone and clicked on the address book , there is a contact person, Dr. Zheng.

This is Cang Han's attending doctor, who has been advising Cang Han to be hospitalized. Cheng Ling's hand rested on the dial, her fingers trembling slightly. She forgot that it was past two o'clock in the morning, and whether it was appropriate to contact the doctor now. Her world It seemed that there was only this dial button left, as if dialing this number was the sentence for her life.

It was pronounced that Cang Han was sick, and that her home was broken and could never be glued back together again.

Cheng Ling's thumb approached the screen tremblingly, almost touching it, almost touching it...

"Big Mom."

In the silent room, I suddenly thought of a clear, milky voice.

Cheng Ling's blood froze, she couldn't breathe, and thought tremblingly, maybe it was just an illusion, until...

"Big Mom." The crisp little milk voice sounded again.

Cheng Ling was frozen from head to toe, her body was almost not her own, she turned her head stiffly, looked in the direction of the sound, her heart almost stopped beating.

"No...impossible..."

"impossible……"

"I must be crazy... No... I can't be crazy... I have to take care of Xiaohan... I can't be crazy..."

Cheng Ling shook his head nervously, curled up on the bed, retreated hastily, and hid in a corner, his whole body shaking like a sieve.She thought she was crazy because she also started hallucinating.

Cheng Ling saw the little girl who used to be like a flower, her daughter.

She has dreamed countless times in her dreams, nightmares without exception, and awakened without exception. Now, this daughter is standing in front of her. With a little light outside the house, the daughter who used to be like a flower is standing in front of her. , half of his head was smashed, dyed with red, red and white things, a small hand drooped softly by his side, five fingers were twisted in a weird shape, and the pink skirt and white socks were soaked with deep water. Red dirt.

Covered in blood, she stood in front of Cheng Ling in pieces, and smiled at Cheng Ling. She called her "big mother" sweetly with a clear and crisp milk voice. She was exactly the same as before. It was the last time I saw her with Cheng Ling. exactly the same.

Cheng Ling felt that he was crazy.She bit her lower lip, looked at her shattered little daughter, looked directly at her shattered little daughter, covered her mouth with tears, and couldn't help laughing happily, bit her lip, and laughed silently while weeping.

Sooner or later, there would be a day when Cheng Ling knew that she couldn't hold on anymore. She waited anxiously for that day to come, and finally it came.

"Big Mom, I'm in so much pain."

Cheng Ling saw her daughter walking towards her step by step with her broken body, and stood beside her bed aggrieved, as if she had fallen down in an ordinary way, looking for her mother's comfort.

"Big Mom, I'm in so much pain."

"Mom forgot me, I'm sad."

"Elder mother, hug the baby."

"Mom, don't be afraid of me, the baby is alone, be afraid."

Cheng Ling gave up the last step of resistance to herself. She opened her arms, hugged the baby's blood-stained body in her arms, kissed her forehead and wept, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She kissed the baby over and over again, Repeat sorry over and over again.

Sorry for not protecting your mother.

Sorry for not protecting you.

As much as Cheng Ling loves Cang Han, she loves this child as much. This is her and Cang Han's child. From the moment it was born, it was a wrinkled and ugly child like a monkey. They were brought up bit by bit. The two have nothing. A woman who understands stumbles and raises her up, watching her become white and tender, watching her change day by day, watching her grow small teeth, watching her take the first step, and hearing her call her mother for the first time... …

Then, that day, Cheng Ling was still thinking about what to make delicious for Xiao Han and the baby at night, when a strange phone call came to her mobile phone, time stopped, her heartbeat froze, and suddenly, Cheng Ling's world was shattered, Hulala was shattered all over the ground, her home and her happiness were shattered in that second, and could never be repaired.

Cheng Ling rushed to the scene one step ahead of the ambulance, and what she saw was such a bloody scene. Her Xiaohan and her daughter were lying in a pool of crimson blood, one with eyes closed and the other wide open. Looking at myself, it turned out that the pupils that were shining like jewels had long since lost their brilliance, and even lost their focal length...

Cheng Ling forgot what happened later. She only remembered that when she woke up, she was in the police station, and her old classmate was sitting opposite her. The old classmate said that the car driver who smelled of alcohol was almost killed by her.

"Almost, isn't it dead yet?" Cheng Ling's blood was cold, he lowered his eyes, and smiled bitterly, "My wife and child are dead, what can that bastard get? Ten years? Twenty years? Top Isn't it more than an indefinite period?"

"Cang Han is fine, she has already been transferred out of the ICU, please calm down."

"She's dead, she's dead."

Cheng Ling kissed the baby's forehead and said sorry countless times, but it was useless. Cheng Ling knew that this baby was just an illusion of self-deception.

"Mom, today is the baby's birthday." The baby clung to Cheng Ling's arms and smiled softly, "The baby wants to see the eldest mother and mother again, and the baby is leaving."

"Big Mom, without you and Mom, the baby is alone, so cold."

Cheng Ling finally couldn't bear it, and cried hysterically while holding the baby, as if he wanted to cry away all the suffering of the past five years.

"Ahhhh——" Cang Han woke up from the effect of the tranquilizer at some point, first heard Cheng Lingzhui's heartbroken cry, and then saw the bloody baby in Cheng Ling's arms, screaming With a sound, he scrambled to Cheng Ling's side, took the baby's little hand, and tears rolled down, "What's wrong with you, baby? Mommy will take you to the hospital, mommy will take you to the hospital!"

"Mom, do you remember the baby?"

"I remember, I remembered...don't be afraid, baby, mom will take you to the hospital right away, you'll be fine...you'll be fine..."

"Mom, the eldest mother is very poor, you have forgotten her."

"I haven't forgotten, mom hasn't forgotten..." Cang Han hugged Cheng Ling and the baby and cried, "Mom remembers the big mother, and also the baby. Mom still wants to watch the baby grow up. Today is the baby's birthday, and mom hasn't forgotten... "

"Mom, the baby is leaving, you have to take care of the eldest mother for the baby." The baby held Cang Han with one hand, and leaned against Cheng Ling's arms, with blood all over his body, smiling sweetly, "Daddy Mom, you have to love each other with your mother, and you have to love your mother for your baby."

"Mom, eldest mother, the baby is five years old today."

"Baby really wants to grow up by your side."

Never grow up again.

Cheng Ling and Cang Han burst into tears, watching helplessly as the first ray of sunlight entered the room in the morning, and the baby's body gradually became transparent and disappeared into the air.

Cheng Ling hugged Cang Han, Cang Han hugged Cheng Ling, the first ray of sunshine this winter broke through the clouds and shone in, but it was icy cold, with no temperature at all.

They used to be so happy, they had a daughter as beautiful as a flower, and they looked forward to her growing up day by day, but who knows, she would never grow up again.

……

For the first time in five years, Cheng Ling took Cang Han to the cemetery where the baby was buried. The area around the cemetery was very clean and was often cleaned. The photo showed a beautiful little girl smiling happily.

Cang Han placed the cake she made in front of the tombstone, took out the little clothes and toys she had hidden from her bag, and set it on fire.

"Baby, this dress was worn when you were full moon."

"This pair of shoes was made for you by your mother. You like them so much. You can run around the house wearing them."

"The first time you ate by yourself, you used this little spoon."

"This is the first flower that Mommy and you planted together."

"Baby, I'm sorry, Mom forgot you." Cang Han pressed his cheek against the cold tombstone, "Baby, Mom misses you."

……

At sunset, Cheng Ling, who had been silent all this time, put a coat on Cang Han and took her hand, "Xiaohan, go home."

Cang Han let her lead and went back with her.

In fact, both of them know that there is still a home, and the two of them had no home five years ago.

The snow has stopped, but spring is still far away.

The author has something to say:

End of the full text.

This article is inspired by a certain video at Bilibili. It is a Japanese song sung by an UP master. There are different opinions about the origin of this song. Some say it was written by the father to the dead daughter, while others say it was written by the master to the dead. For dogs, some people say it was written by the boyfriend to the lover after the breakup. I don’t know which statement is correct, but when I heard this song for the first time, I burst into tears. Later, I wanted to write about a mother who lost her child. In the story, parents losing a child is probably the most painful thing in the world.

I don't know why I wrote this article, probably just to move myself.

I hope everyone loves their parents well. Maybe you sometimes feel that they are annoying, but they don’t know how to love you.