bookcurios Chapter 207: Narration (Part )
Chapter 207: Narration (Part )
The pain of separation from one's own flesh and blood, and of life and death, came out of Chu Huanjun's mouth with just three light words: "What a pity."
Tao Yao didn't know Chu Huanjun's background before. She just thought that he was always indifferent and seemed to care about nothing.
If they hadn't met later, Tao Yao would have always thought that Chu Huanjun was really such a distant and indifferent person. But now, she felt more and more that he was not indifferent, he just didn't allow himself to be indifferent.
Chu Huanjun is good at planning and strategizing chess. Perhaps even his own life has already become a chess piece in the game.
In the rules he constructed for himself, he had to be cold-blooded and heartless, and he had to be calm and composed in the face of everything, just like a puppet, only able to walk and perform according to the established trajectory.
Perhaps, most of the time he is not himself, but just the Chu Huanjun he wants to be.
Perhaps, when he was five years old and still ignorant, his mother died without leaving any trace, the court officials looked on coldly, and his biological father lightly concealed his mother's death. Any one of these factors was enough to destroy the young child who was still innocent of the world.
After listening to him talk about the past in such a superficial way, Tao Yao could only get a general idea of it. As for how much more pain and suffering there was, she had no idea.
But no matter what, he grew up well and became what he is today.
Perhaps it was because of the rules he set for himself—to become the aloof, arrogant, and indifferent Chu Huanjun, cold-blooded and cruel. It was through these rules that the young child built an indestructible shell for his fragile body, protecting himself as he grew up.
"After so many years, do you sometimes miss your mother?"
Tao Yao snatched the teacup from his hand and poured tea for him instead.
Chu Huanjun seemed a little surprised. He didn't expect her to ask that. He closed his eyes and thought for a while, then slowly said, "I can't say... In fact, I've almost forgotten what she looked like. I only vaguely remember that she had very fair skin, often smiled quietly, and lay very quietly on the sickbed, silently. She was clearly still alive, but it seemed as if she was dead.
Over the years, I've always disliked being alone. When I'm alone, the excessive silence always reminds me of when she was still alive. I was clearly by her side, watching her every day, but I couldn't guess what was going on in her heart beneath that quiet face... Even when she died, I couldn't immediately figure out why she died or where her body was..."
As he spoke, Chu Huanjun suddenly felt a pang of soreness in the corners of his eyes, and he blinked, trying to dispel the soreness. "Well, it's been so long since it happened, and I've stopped thinking about it. Thinking too much about these things will only turn them into obsessions. The past is like the wind, so let it be covered in dust."
Seeing him trying so hard to suppress his sadness, Tao Yao felt a pang of sadness in her heart. She placed her still-warm hand, which had just held the hot tea, on the back of his hand, patted it gently as if to comfort him, and said softly, "Well, don't think about it. You were so young back then. How could you have figured out all the right and wrong by yourself?"
Chu Huanjun smiled and sighed. He was obviously sad, but he still pretended to be calm.
He thought he had hidden it well, but Tao Yao saw through it all.
"Xiao Chu, honestly, are you really willing to accept this?" Tao Yao paused, then continued, "If you were truly willing, why would you still be confronting Zuo Tang, both openly and covertly? If the hatred of the past is forever locked in your heart and never released, it will never be easily removed like drifting clouds, dust, and sand, right?"
Chu Huanjun picked up a cup of tea, took a sip, and said softly, "I know what you're saying, but if I'm too stubborn, and I'm not strong enough to shake all the enemies around me, dwelling on hatred will only add a sharp knife to my own neck... So, I choose to forget."
Tao Yao looked into his eyes seriously and said, "But you haven't really forgotten."
Chu Huanjun tilted his head back and gulped down the tea. The tea had been brewed for a while, its flavor already weak. Not only was it sweet, but even the bitterness was barely palpable. This long-simmered tea felt like a reminder of his past. Time had passed, and recalling it now, despite the pain and hatred he felt then, it was now like the tea in the cup, neither bitter nor sweet, neither strong nor weak, neither burning the throat nor soothing the heart.
"Okay, I've finished what I've said. Do you have anything else to ask?"
Tao Yao lowered her eyelashes and quietly watched a thin piece of tea leaf in the cup, floating and drifting on the tea-colored water, gradually falling to the bottom of the cup, right onto the flower stem on the blue and white pattern, as if branches and leaves had really grown in the porcelain cup.
"You say now that you choose to forget the hatred. If you had the opportunity to avenge your mother in the past, would you do it?"
After saying this, Tao Yao raised her face again and looked quietly into Chu Huanjun's eyes, waiting for his answer.
Chu Huanjun still had that calm and composed smile on his face, not even a frown on his face.
This is a mask he tailored for himself to cover up all his heartaches.
He didn't remain silent for long before answering, "Yes."
"But if revenge must come at a price, will you do it?"
Tao Yao asked again.
"That depends on the price." Chu Huanjun picked up the teacup and took a sip. "If the price is acceptable, then I will do it. If it's not acceptable, then I'll give up."
"Really give up? If you give up, you won't regret it?"
Tao Yao's eyes flickered as she stared intently at Chu Huanjun's eyes, as if she wanted to see straight into his heart and know whether what he said was true or not.
"I really don't regret it." Chu Huanjun seemed to have realized something and tilted his head to smile at Tao Yao. "Why do you make this assumption? Are you worried that I will sell you out?"
Chu Huanjun's eyes were indeed as bright as snow, and nothing Tao Yao wanted could escape his eyes.
Tao Yao lowered her eyelashes and didn't directly answer Chu Huanjun's question. Chu Huanjun smiled knowingly and said softly, "It's okay. If you really don't trust me that much, I won't force you to follow me."
Tao Yao heaved a sigh of relief when these words came out, but she still asked doubtfully, "Really?"
Chu Huanjun placed the teacup in his hand on the table and said calmly, "Do you have any other questions? Ask them all at once."