Spy Wars: Strong Agents Who Are Ruthless and Talk Little

Chapter 375 I Know You Hope I Can Change

"It doesn't matter who I am." The man smiled faintly, with an inexplicable sharpness in his eyes. "What matters is that you have been missing something."

"What did you miss?" Su Ming asked, his voice a little cold, as if he had already become numb to everything.

"You missed yourself." The man's eyes grew deep, as if he could see through every inch of Su Ming's heart. "You know, Su Ming, no matter how you hide, no matter how you cover up, the real you can never escape. Are you starting to feel troubled? Your mission, your identity, everything you have, perhaps it has long been impossible for you to continue."

Su Ming's heart stirred. While the man's words were nothing new, the feeling that struck him so deeply had left him somewhat shaken. He was beginning to feel troubled. He began to doubt everything he did, even the meaning of every mission becoming hazy. That feeling was like a heavy iron chain, tightening around his heart, making it impossible for him to break free.

"What do you want to tell me?" Su Ming's tone turned cold. "I know what I did was wrong, but this is the only thing I can do now."

The man was silent for a moment, as if observing Su Ming's reaction. "What I want to tell you is that time won't wait for you. You've been living in the past, living in the responsibilities you've assumed, but if you don't make changes in time, you'll eventually be consumed by it all."

Su Ming's fingers trembled slightly, and the wine glass swayed gently in his hands. He wanted to laugh, to mock the man before him, but a feeling of powerless sadness welled up in his heart. Yes, he had always done what was expected of him, always completed those tasks, but who was he really? He had never truly stopped to consider this question.

The man looked at him with a thoughtful expression in his eyes. "You should understand that your identity will eventually be exposed. You are a spy, carrying too many secrets, but these secrets cannot be hidden in the shadows forever. You know, all concealment will eventually collapse."

Su Ming closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. He didn't want to hear these words. He knew the truth would eventually come to light, but at the moment, he didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to escape temporarily, to escape from this self that was being crushed by responsibility and pain.

He ignored the man and continued drinking. The alcohol eased his nerves, temporarily easing the chaotic emotions within him. But he knew this escape wouldn't last; all his problems would eventually return. How would he face them then?

The bar remained silent, with only the occasional whisper of conversation, but it had nothing to do with him. Su Ming realized he was completely lost in a blank, apathetic space, without direction or purpose. At that moment, he felt as if he were caught in an endless vortex, unable to escape or rest. His eyes gradually blurred, and her face surfaced in his mind. She was always so gentle, yet she left him feeling a deep sense of helplessness.

He sighed, set his glass down, and suddenly felt as if he were in a dream. He had no idea how the future would unfold, nor when he would make a change. But he knew that, no matter what, every decision would inevitably come to a point that could not be ignored, and that moment might arrive one night, as suddenly as ever.

Su Ming pushed open the bar's door, and the chilly night wind blew in. A few scattered raindrops landed on his face, leaving a damp, cold touch. He squinted slightly, feeling the subtle chills strangely align with his inner confusion. The slight intoxication from the alcohol still lingered, his head a bit hazy, but he didn't want to stop, determined to maintain his clarity, even if it had become incredibly hazy.

The streets, still bustling under the night sky, were awash with lights and hurried pedestrians, seemingly each one pursuing their own path, unconcerned with his current loss and confusion. He unconsciously quickened his pace, trying to dispel the emptiness within. He felt awful, a sense of oppression and suffocation that wouldn't dissipate. Missions, responsibilities, emotions—everything was like a tightly tangled thread, impossible to untangle. The more he struggled, the more troubled he became.

He entered an alleyway. The crowds thinned, and the surroundings grew quiet. The air was thick with dust and cold, and Su Ming's thoughts grew increasingly confused. The man's words from that night at the bar still echoed in his mind: "You will be consumed by this." He considered retorting, sneering, but the fear within him grew unconsciously. The words pricked his nerves, shattering his usual composure. He had always thought he could hide everything, but he began to realize that something was beginning to emerge, something he could no longer avoid.

He pulled out his cigarette case, lit a cigarette, and took a deep drag. The smoke slowly drifted out of his mouth, dispersing as if it were also dispelling some of the fog lingering in his heart. However, the heaviness in his heart didn't dissipate. That uneasiness, that anxiety, seemed to cling to every inch of his skin, impossible to shake off.

"What are you thinking about?" A familiar voice suddenly broke his thoughts.

He turned and saw her standing not far away, head slightly lowered, under the dim streetlight. She looked lonely, yet exuded a chill. Su Ming's heartbeat quickened slightly. He instinctively tried to conceal his emotions, but the feelings welling up from deep within him made it impossible for him to calm down.

"Nothing." He said softly, trying to make his tone seem calm, but he couldn't hide the turmoil in his heart. "Why are you here?"

"I want to know what you're thinking." She didn't move closer, but just stood there, looking at him intently. Her eyes weren't urgent, but rather held a silent expectation, as if waiting for him to speak.

"You don't have to worry." He lowered his head, looked at the cigarette in his hand, and tried to calm himself down. At that moment, he felt her gaze like an invisible knife piercing his heart. Her words always made him involuntarily reveal the truth in his heart.

"Don't you think we've gone too far?" Her voice softened, but with a firmness that was hard to ignore. "You've been running away, haven't you?"

Su Ming's heart trembled, a series of images flashing through his mind: those missions, those actions he'd carried out time and again, all shrouded in endless coldness and alienation. He had always strived to suppress his emotions, to become a perfect tool. But in her presence, he could never remain completely calm. Unease began to well up within him, as if the world he'd held onto was beginning to crack.

"I'm not running away." He tried to remain calm, but his tone was a little tense. "But you don't understand." He raised his head and looked into her eyes, as if hoping to find some kind of relief in them. But her eyes only contained a deep worry.

"You know what I'm talking about." She sighed softly, her tone gentle yet irresistibly persuasive. "Su Ming, we all know that our choices are always limited. You can't continue on this path forever. Eventually, you'll discover what you've lost." Her voice trembled, as if she were expressing a hidden emotion.

Su Ming's heart ached. He wanted to respond, but found himself speechless. Every word she spoke seemed to pluck a fragile chord deep within him. He suddenly felt that this oppressive life had become suffocating. Missions, responsibilities, all of them had become blurred. Perhaps he should have made a change long ago, but he had never had the courage to face it.

"I know what you're thinking." She took a few steps closer, stood beside him, and whispered. "But you don't have to go through this alone. If you want, I'm willing to help you."

Su Ming's chest pounded violently when he heard these words. He looked into her eyes, his heart churning. Her gaze was so firm and gentle, as if it could penetrate everything, allowing him to see the fear and anxiety deep within him. But he knew he couldn't continue like this, couldn't let himself be caught up in this emotional vortex.

He lowered his head and remained silent for a long time. The smoke drifted in the air and gradually dissipated in the cold air. At this moment, it seemed as if time had frozen. His thoughts were in a mess and he couldn't sort them out.

She didn't say anything else, simply standing quietly beside him, as if giving him time to think. Su Ming felt an inexplicable comfort, but also an indescribable pain. This pain came from a voice deep within him, telling him that this moment couldn't last much longer, that he would eventually have to make a choice and embark on a path of no return.

Time seemed to stand still at this moment, and the surroundings grew increasingly blurry. Su Ming stood there, his inner struggle intensifying. He had never imagined that one night he would stand at such a crossroads, faced with such a profound decision.

Finally, he took a deep breath, raised his head, and looked into her eyes. Her eyes were still firm, as if she was fearless.

"I know you want me to change, but I can't right now," he said, his voice low and heavy, yet revealing an indescribable determination. "There's no turning back on this path."

Her expression remained unchanged, still gentle, but a hint of disappointment flashed across her eyes. "Have you really decided?"

Su Ming nodded. Although he was still filled with uncertainty and anxiety deep down, he knew clearly that at this moment, he had no other choice. He had to keep going, even if the abyss ahead was unknown.

She said nothing more, only sighed softly and turned to leave. Su Ming watched her figure gradually disappear into the night, and the inexplicable sense of emptiness in his heart rose again.